I showed up 5 hours early to work yesterday thinking that I was opening instead of closing. So I decided to be productive and get my prescription refilled and a flu shot. Turns out the flu shot was a bad choice. Cause I have felt absolutely awful ever since : (. My body is aching, I move like a snail, and I am so sensitive to light and sound. I just want to feel better : (

My golden retriever has some sort of a stomach flu. I feel really bad so instead of making her sleep outside by herself, I'm sitting with her so she can get some sleep without feeling like she's in trouble. My dad said just to put her outside for a few hours but when I started putting her out there she started to cry and I felt really horrible. I mean I couldn't imagine feeling sick and not being able to explain it to anyone. So instead, I'm sitting with her to make her feel better.

I'm not sure what else to write but I'm trying to kill time until she falls asleep.

One thing I'm trying to do is be a more positive person while I'm here. I'm trying to contribute and making those who I care about and even random strangers feel better or have better days. The world is such a negative place, you know? Bad things happen everyday all the time and instead of focusing on it, I'm trying to focus on the positive things I can do for those around me who are kind to me. There are so many more negatives in the world or selfish actions, then there are good. So if there is anything any of you need please let me know and I'm totally ready to help with anything. Seriously.

I must be the biggest nerd on the planet...

You know you're a nerd when you find that Saturday night at 2 am is an opportune time to do your chemistry extra credit....

So Fortunate...

It's been a week since my birthday and I would just like to write a post on how fortunate I am. I am incredibly thankful and amazed at the kindness and general goodwill expressed to me this week. To start my friends Holly and Natalia drove up from Santa Barbara to share my special day. At midnight on the 14th, Gab and Holly went with me to Safeway so I could purchase my first alcoholic beverage which was a bottle of Moet & Chandon Champagne. The day of my birthday my parents bought all of my loves dinner which was really amazing and I was so thankful they did that and so many people were there to join me on a Monday night.

Not only that but I have the best bosses in the world at Macy's who not only gave me the days off that I wanted but have so much positive feedback. I left my job at the sushi restaurant, which I will not mention more about or why, but I am so lucky to have a fulltime job at Macy's that provides a full-time job for someone like me that I honestly enjoy and gives me the opportunity to leave the restaurant. I also have had great customers this week who have been very kind.

Tuesday, I was taken out by friends from high school who I haven't remained in touch with as much. The fact that they were so kind and bought me drinks and wanted to celebrate my birthday with me was really really special.

Wednesday, my Mom's friend Cathy came with us up to Santa Rosa to have my car serviced and therefore allowed us to leave the immediate area of Santa Rosa and go to Calistoga. Not only was it awesome that she did that for me but the people of Hansel Volkswagon and BMW fixed my car for free and cleaned it. It was weird to actually have a car dealer not try and screw me over. I recommend if you need one of those vehicles to go to them because they have really provided superior service and I was able to get my car new for under MSRP.

Saturday, was the day of my party. My boss let me off early to get my makeup done, and the girl at Mac befriended me and wants to go out for taco tuesdays. Everyone who came was so great and I really appreciate them making the journey to the Marina for me. Gab and I received extra special bottles of patron tequila from Matt Rosko even though we haven't seen him in over a year. Thanks loves! Especially, someone in particular who was my dd and dealt with drunk ass even though he really really hates to be around me when I drink.

I just wanted to thank everyone for being kind and making my weeks one of the best in history. For all the presents, the cards, phonecalls and facebook comments, I really thank you and feel loved from the bottom of my heart.

Today is my last day at 20. At midnight tonight, I am not excluded from any social event where you have to be 21 to attend. I've worked the last week, sixty something hours, and today is my first day off. I am in bed, cause my feet hurt and my body aches. All will be better at midnight : )

1. First name -Camille

2. Were you named after anyone? The movie with greta garbo

3. When did you last cry? last night watching 500 days of summer

4. Do you like your handwriting? sometimes

5. What is your favorite lunch meat? turkey

6. Kids? nope

7. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Ofcourse

8. Do you have a journal? many

9. Do you use sarcasm a lot? yes, I very sarcastic

10. Do you still have your tonsils? nope

11. Would you bungee jump? nope

12. What is your favorite cereal? raisin bran

13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I'm not sure exactly

14. Do you think you are strong? Depends, if I put my mind to it, I am

15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? chocolate macadamian nut

16. Shoe size 9.5 or 10

17. Red or pink? pink

18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself: that i am affected by others

19. Who do you miss the most? those who I have lost...

20. Do you want everyone to send this back to you? not exactly

21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? navy, no shoes

22. Last thing you ate? tomatos

23. What are you listening to right now? silence

24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? the pink with the sparkles

25. Favorite smell? home, jasmine when it comes out at night, the rainy day rain smell

26. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? matt?

27. The first thing you notice about people you are attracted to? eyes, confidence

28. Do you like the person who sent this to you? no one sent this

29. Favorite drinks? pog juice, orangina, coke

30. Favorite sport? to watch? football

31. Eye color? green sometimes they change to blue or grey

32. Hat size? I dunno

33. Do you wear contacts? nope

34. Favorite food? potatoes

35. Last movie you watched at home (a VHS or DVD that you own)? uhhhh ... that would go years back

36. Last movie you watched at the theater? 500 days of summer

37. What color shirt are you wearing? grey

38. Summer or Winter? Summer.

39. Hugs or kisses? hugs

40. Favorite dessert? chocolate cake

41. Who is most likely to respond? no one

42. Least likely to? have no idea

43. What books are you reading? a diary of marie antoinette, catcher in the rye

44. What’s on your mousepad? puppies from 4th grade

45. What did you watch last night on TV? CSI Miami

46. Favorite sounds? the ocean, rain

47. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles, but rolling stones are epic as well

48. Furthest you’ve been from home? the lourve valley

49. What’s your special talent? I can read people well

50. When and where were you born? 9/14/88 in Marin General

51. What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you? Flew out to see me as a surprise

52. What was your proudest childhood moment? winning a contest for a story I wrote

53. Stay home or go out? Stay home

54. Favorite movie? cruel intentions

50 Random Questions

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?

In a bath

2. Who are you in love with?

my friends

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?

no

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

no... shocking? yes.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?

This morning, I work there

6. Are you wearing socks right now?

no

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?

yes

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

today.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

yes, I saw 500 days of summer

10. Are you hot?

I'm comfortable

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

water

12. What are you wearing right now?

juicy pants and a tshirt

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

both

14. Last food that you ate?

tomato

15. Where were you last week at this time?

in bed

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

I bought a dress

17. When is the last time you ran?

Monday

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?

I watched some golf matches

19. What is your favorite animal?

Golden Retrievers

20. Your dream vacation?

Mexico, by the water

21. Last person's house you were in?

my own.

22. Worst injury you've ever had?

Uhhh my rotator cuff issues

23. Have you been in love?

yes

24. Do you miss anyone right now?

always, nicole and john rip

25. Last play you saw?

some play at usd

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

no secret weapons... maybe I should get one

27. What are your plans for tonight?

finish csi miami, go to bed

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?

I haven't used myspace in at least a year

29. Next trip you are going to take?

not sure, hopefully san diego

30. Ever go to camp?

yes, unfortunately. I would always get really homesick and cry until i got taken home early

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?

Yes, and deans list

32. What do you want to know about the future?

I want to know nothing. I want to live in the moment.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

Marc Jacobs, the original

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?

probably

35. Where is your best friend?

at her boys house

36. How is your best friend?

she's really good.

37. Do you have a tan?

yes

38. What are you listening to right now?

CSI Miami

39. Do you collect anything?

lingerie

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?

I know many

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

San Diego, my only ticket ever about a year ago for speeding

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?

Yes...

43. What does your last text message say?

Won 2, lost 1

44. Do you like hot sauce?

no

45. Last time you took a shower?

3 hours ago

46. Do you need to do laundry?

not particularly

47. What is your heritage?

german, danish, and jew (mixed with lots of eastern european raping and pillaging)

48. Are you someone's best friend?

yes

49. Are you rich?

Rich with love

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?

in the movies

www.the-top-tens.com

Top Ten List - Best Myspace Surveys

I just cried through the last half of 500 days of summer. I am such a sap.

The fact that you are willing to say, ''I do not understand, and it is fine,'' is the greatest understanding you could exhibit. -Wayne Dyer

Today I learned I do not understand people. Actually, everyday, I am more and more amazed at how many people's actions I do not understand.

However, when you sit across from the person who made you and are completely amazed by their own selfishness and lack of empathy for their fellow human being, it really makes you think. I mean really, how do you grow up with someone in the same environment and share genes with this person and sit across from them and feel completely disconnected from them? More so, upon feeling that disconnect, I felt a sense of relief, that she and I were not the same, really, in anyway.

The conflict arose at a local outback steakhouse. I wanted to tip the elderly waitress an extra two dollars more from my own pocket while someone else felt the need to tip the bare minimum. It wasn't much in my mind, two dollars, it was the principle. However, the other person whom I was with through a tantrum about "how I shouldn't try and be the savior to all the servers in the world". To give this story perspective the tip was always going to remain under ten dollars to begin with.

The issue is I don't think I will ever understand this person for whom I share genes. Oftentimes, I find customers in both my jobs and other peoples families who act more maternal to me and do things for me not expecting retribution but out of love. I try and live my life out of this spirit. To try and be kind and be more giving then selfish. Kind of the whole pay it forward thing. I believe in committing more random acts of kindness each day. Maybe I am naive, maybe I am young and I will grow jaded with age. But I hope to try and make those around have better days, every single day. Not just people I love, but strangers and acquaintances as well. I try and live my life on the doctrine of karma, and although I have done some bad things in my past. I hope to live each day forward in the spirit of love.

the hair post

Sometimes I begin thinking about what I am going to post but have no title... so I click on my itunes and press play on random and look at the first thing I see.

Ironically, it was the "Felicity" theme song that popped up first (just as I was about to write something about an impending change of hair). As many of you know, or should know, because you should be up on late nineties wb hits is that the second season of Felicity, Kerry Russell's character Felicity chops off her hair to signify a major change in her life. Due to the awkward haircut and change in tv scheduling, Felicity lost its very high ratings but went on for another four years of a transformational college girls experience.

Tomorrow, I am dying my hair back to its natural color. For years I have been trying to lighten and upkeep this blonde persona to whom I've wanted to be since I was little. Probably, far too much Barbie in my early socialization. I learned to think, that having brown hair somehow made me less beautiful and less worthy than other pretty girls with blonde hair. Looking back, it gives me a sick feeling that at four or five years old, I thought I had to change to be worthy of love. Even in those early years, I had some intense awareness that somehow my appearance was going to determine my opportunities, not my personality or intellect. How fucked up is that?

Someone who has become very important in my life recently, called me superficial. Not really in a joking way. Like they were reading something about how superficial people like this and that do this and that, and they thought of me. Which made me think... I do have superficial tendencies that I am well aware of trust me. I mean I am writing a post about my hair...that is like the paradigm of superficiality. But do people I love really not see me as much else? Am I just smiles and sunshines? and shoes? and does my dialog sound like something I could win a daytime emmy for? I sure hope not. So who are we really? Are we who we perceive ourselves to be? Or are we how others see us? Do our own opinions of ourselves or who we want to be factor in to "who we are"?

So as I write this wordy piece of crap about dying my hair. The truth is, its for the first time since probably seventh grade I feel comfortable with who I am supposed to look like. I'm not trying to bleach away the remaining clues that I am not perfect. I came home to learn how to be comfortable with who I am ...to even get a grasp on who that is. I wanted to learn I could be independent, successful and most importantly that I can learn to like who I am without feeling like I never measure up. Maybe I am superficial, I sure hope I'm not. But hopefully this time of growth, the first time in my near 21 years that I decided to do something that no one wanted me to do (take time away from school and spend time at home), I can show that I value things besides the superficial and learn to be someone, others, myself included, can grow to love.