Its been about 2 months since I've been here, and I realized probably shouldn't have returned. The problem isn't that I'm not having fun, but I'm having "too much fun". I'm doing well in school. However, I feel like I am regressing emotionally, in my relationships I make with people. I feel like I need to sit back rewind and slow down but its really hard because the moment you do, you realize there isn't much here. Ashley has been amazing. However, the rest of my friendships here and time I spend all seems less real then I was at home. Even my own actions, seem disconnected from how I'm feeling. I spend my time rationalizing everything to myself, but this isn't the person I want to be. I need to step back to summer when who I was and who I am are integral and I can be proud of myself. I miss all my home lovers so much and yet I feel like I can't talk to anyone til I'm there cause I'll just get too homesick.