the wound

I was wounded last night at a party, when I fell through my friend's deck. When I walked out from the door, I placed one foot on the deck and as I brought my second foot onto the deck, I stuck it where the floor board was supposed to be and my leg scraped three feet down into a hole. Pretty much I have a massive scrape on shin bone, which looks very gnarly and will probably leave a massive scar. I guess my dreams of being a skintimate model are ruined! (hah). 

As I sat around all dressed and bandaged in my room, sleeping and eating  the day away. I got a text from one of my best friends who had one of her worst days of her life.  She and her boyfriend broke up today after almost nine months of confusion and about a year and and a half of being in a relationship before that. I also have been having a few close discussions with a lot of my guy friends who have also gotten out of long term relationships. All of these people have something in common, theyre all wounded. Lately, I've been learning that intimacy at this age in a relationship sense really does more harm than good. So many people, have been so close to someone and then that person begins to change and become self destructive and the other person is left mourning what was and what could have been. Most long relationships, seem to take a good few months or years of the couple just breaking up. 

I use the metaphor of the would because there is the deep hurt and void that comes at the less of the relationship. We do our best to clean  it up, cover it up and move on hoping it will heal itself. Unfortunately, there are alway few bumps and bruises and the healing keeps getting delayed until one day you think you're fixed.  Thats the scab, which is protection, but it is fragile and can easily either be unsurfaced or it can heal and leave a scar. Wherever all these people in their own lives, theyre still working to not aggravate the wound of the relationship or if scarred to open themselves up to the opportunity to be hurt again. Which leaves me to the question, is it safe to open ourselves up to other people? Why do we do it? Relationships almost always end badly, no matter if they end on good terms or not, to care deeply means to hurt deeply. I think our capacity to care and want to care is one of our most masochistic human traits. Everytime we open our hearts to our friends, our family, a relationship, a pet, we set ourself up for dissapointment.

I'm not saying not to care about people or that we can avoid pain. But we can just look where were stepping, maybe if I had been more conscientious I wouldn't have my leg hurt now.